Upgrading Your Toolbox

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Ever feel you were made to feel guilty by someone demanding you step up or else?  For example, your boss calls you into their office, tells you you are being promoted and hands you the new job description.  Upon reviewing the job description at home, you get this funny feeling, like you are being used, somehow.  Finally, you realize the amount of hours it would take you to do it would end up paying you less than a $1 an hour.;  Who wouldn’t want to stand up for their rights?  Sure, it’s tough, standing up for yourself, especially when it’s your boss you have to stand up to, with your job that is on the line.  So, you get tough and you stand up for yourself.

When you map this story, look for signs that tell you what it’s really about.  Assess the story that comes directly after.  Did you seek approval from a team member directly following the dare to stand up for self moment?  Did you feel shaky?  Did you feel indifferent?  Did you defend yourself or tell yourself a story about how you were made to do something as unpleasant as stand up for yourself?  However you slice it, are you pleased with the outcome of your stand up for yourself moment?

If you are pleased with our outcome, good to go.  if you are not, read on…

When you hop onto the self awareness path, you are ready to look for signs that tell you what old habit patterns you are engaging in and ways to interrupt them, should you choose to do so.  Check your toolbox.  What condition is your calm self down tool?  If it is dull or rusted, clean it up. Most important tool.  Might want to transfer it to your tool belt.  Do the same with dump it tool.  Won’t get very far if you can’t dump your judgment.  And, you definitely need the because tool to take a closer look at this story.

Strengthen your because tool

  • You identified the need to dare to stand up for self
  • You named it I’m Standing Up For Myself, Finally
  • At that moment, about to cross the gap into believing you have been wronged
  • Use your because tool
    • identify (situation)
    • name (give respect)
    • build up the intensity (tell it over an over)
    • remove people situations / circumstance from the story
    • feel what you are feeling
    • feel the body shape
    • feel how the body shape pulls off the center line
    • visualize the center line
    • move back and forth from one end of the movement range to the other
      • off the center line grid
      • on the center line grid

Whew!   OK, time to assess your Outcome.  Sharpening a because tool isn’t as easy as it might seem. Be honest.  Go back through the list and check off when you go lost.  Test your story.  Tell it to yourself, again.  Has it changed?  Which of the following did you discern you felt?

  • Defensive
  • Angry
  • Calm
  • Other

Don’t forget to update your Achievement Column!  It’s easy to forget that “minor” detail.  Lots of people have a because tool clunking around in the bottom of their toolbox “because” – for lots of reasons. This tool helps you connect with what you are feeling, not what you are feeling because of something outside of you.  You are not a victim.  You are feeling what you are feeling.  However, you might want to shape the moment of standing up for self differently in the future.

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